basecamp - Bread Making
Isaac
With an afternoon of festering well on the way after arriving back from our FF rope retrieving trip yesterday, it was decided that I should try my hand at bread making. Holding a degree in International Relations from Aberystwyth University, I was deemed the perfect candidate for checking if the instructions were indeed 'idiot proof'. Holding a Masters degree in International Relations from Aberystwyth University I was of course delighted to find the 'Numpty Dumpty makes a loaf of bread' edition of the instructions.
After initial faff with finding and setting up the equipment an opportunity was identified to time how long it would in fact take for me to wrap my head around the guide, and get a loaf of bread started in the machine. A stopwatch was started and I continued.
Regrettably the faff continued. Notable moments include setting 20ml of water out in the sun to warm enough to activate the yeast, and indeed going down an internet forum rabbit hole to try to decipher how much water to add to about a third of a packet of yeast in the first place. A heated debate also arose from the instructions regarding the stirring implement for the bread mixer. In absence of a wooden or plastic spoon I elected to use the *cleaned* plastic handle of a sharp knife. Before I could enact my plan however I was hurriedly halted by Phil, insisting I used the special tool which apparently exists to stir the bread. This tool takes the form of a plastic knife. A plastic knife is of course not the wooden or plastic spoon noted in the specification for the bread making machine, and despite my pleas that between the two they are so similar that stirring potential would not differ, I eventually yielded, trusting in the experienced guidance that the knife would produce the best results.
On to the results though, the bit you are all interested in. After dutifully waiting the three and a half hours, the bread was extracted. Slicing it up, samples were distributed. I'll leave it to the quotes to put together the picture of how it went.
Trying the bread first, Phil came out with "It's not mixed very well, there are dense lumps of salt in it". Under usual circumstances this would not be too bad, however the quote was accompanied with a deliberate journey to the door of the tatty hut and beyond. The bread's final resting place we can only guess at, but it is alluded to being the bush outside.
Upon Mr. Waite trying the bread second he ended up lying on the floor, claiming the bread was "so dense I had to lie down". When I made a move to pretend to kick James on the way past he responded "please don't make it come up, I don't want to taste it twice!" It was at this point when Jacob chimed in with the tactful comment "I couldn't even finish mine", adding "I feel nauseous" for good measure.
I do not know how it says more about (my bread, the others or Charlotte) but her comment was "I thought it was actually quite nice". So there you go, idiosyncratic taste buds or an unwavering commitment to politeness? I'll let you decide.
In the end I took this episode as an omen, deciding to call off my trip up the plateau
early tomorrow morning. I was on the edge and this certainly seemed like the universe
sending me a message. There is a silver lining though, and that is that I'll certainly
never be asked to make bread again. Another afternoon drinking beer for me!
Yours to the final Sump,
Isaac.